I’m spent. I’ll come back soon and tell you all about it. They have yet to count the second place votes. I got 2,500 first place votes, so they say.

I demand a re-count!!!!



photo by Jason

So here are some links for your Monday morning….

video of the “debate” with Gavin Newsom last Saturday. How Gavinwatch got it before I did is beyond me.


Josh Wilson write about journalistic integrity….


Here is some funny writing about Ethics and my timeline with them from the SF Weakly…


You have an opportunity to speak at an Ethics Commission meeting tomorrow evening at 5:30 (sharp!). There is another meeting (that we are not on the agenda for) that is allowing public comment. Do you have a comment on verbage being stricken from the minutes of a meeting that casts the fate of the Matching Funds for committee Vote for Chicken? Hmmmm…. then you might want to stop by….

Monday we have 18 more precincts to walk. Takes like 2 hours. Put doorhangers on doorknobs. Look harmless. Get excercize. Listen to Ipod. Get eternal gratitude. Bragging points.

Monday evening our friends Phobe and Leighton are opening a shop on Valencia and 16th called the 5 and Diamond. At 8:00, there is a ribbon cutting ceremony that I will preside over. You are welcome to wish them well. Buy a bracelet or some hippy beads or something.

Tuesday night is the LOSERS BALL. It’s shaping up to be a HUGE show. More soon… I just wanna make sure you’ll all be there. But where else would ya be?

Here are some alarming statistics:


“Since February, only 154 voters have been added to the city’s registration rolls. That’s far fewer than the 26,652 added during the same period in 2003 and the 75,339 in 1999, when the write-in campaign for Supervisor Tom Ammiano worked overtime to register voters for his run against then-Mayor Willie Brown, who was elected to a second term.”

Well one of the newly registered voters was me. And I registered a bunch of people when I was doing that awful petition thing. Probably at least 100 people. I guess Gavin didn’t really get the registration thing out. Probably wasn’t good odds, or he’d have done it. Kinda puts a chill in the air, don’t it? Maybe people are starting to see how bad things really are. I’ve always said that they are gonna have to get a lot worse before they get any better.

This evening I had the most pleasant interaction with a reporter that I have ever had. And that says a lot. A guy named Karl Vick, Washington Post. The difference between talking to this guy and the Chronicle people was like night and day. This guy was a journalist. Smart. Fun. Traveled. For all our wealth and ideas one of the biggest problems in SF I’m realizing is solid, world class journalists writing for our daily paper. But the cartoons this week in the SF Weakly hit a new low. Now I’m not gonna pretend that a part of this election wasn’t using Gavin as a punching bag… fair’s fair. You take your lumps. We all do. This was just lame. Bad Showmanship. Bad sport. Poorly drawn. With no punchline, it can’t be funny unless it’s ironic. Anyway, this is what politics in SF 2007 has come to. I’m debating a puppet and Matt Smith is a cartoonist: http://slideshow.sfweekly.com/index.php?gallery=22668&type=1&page=

Please come to the Ethics Meeting at 5:30 in City Hall. Call me, I’ll tell you what room it’s in…

Chicken John
San Francisco, California


Chicken John: Project Artist Connect

Artist Reception Thursday November 1st 7pm-9pm

In accordance with Gavin Newsome’s programs Project Homeless Connect, Project Green Connect, Project perfect hair Connect, Chicken John has created Project Artist Connect, inviting 10 San Francisco artists to depict their city in a visual commentary addressing local issues and attributes. The exhibition features a range of work in subject and medium, including solemn pencil drawings, explosive statements in metal, and a real estate company selling modular housing solutions. Chicken John will be on hand to relate his platform to the San Francisco presented by the artists, and to discuss the dilemmas facing our city. An unnamed cast of characters will push political hot-buttons with impromptu performances and crooked fingers, truly exemplifying innovative art.

Participating artists:
Benjamin Carpenter (Bender)
Muriel Buckner (Sunshine)
James McPhee
Nancy Kalef
Lee Harvey Roswell
Rebecca Meredith
Larnie Fox
Dr. Hal Robins
Michael Christian
Robin Frohardt
Dystopic Horizons Realty

Near the bottom of this article:

It’s not a direct quote, but it’s still damn funny:
“Buses could be disrupted later that night if unsanctioned gaiety breaks out despite the ban, Muni warned.”

This Halloween stuff is starting to get silly. Unsanctioned gaiety. In San Francisco!!!! Holy shit. We are in big trouble.

The man went by all the bars in the Castro and told ’em all to shut down. Gavin lost a few votes there.

I’ll be at Lucky 13 @9:00. Then gonna go to some parties. Throw candy at cops. The biggest party on Halloween in SF is gonna be at 850 Bryant. SF jail….

Thursday morning I’ll be on Energy 92.7 @ 7:30 then on Alice morning show 97.3 @ 9:00 because I’m famous and I have a great speaking voice. Listen in…

Jewish stuff…


An article in Tuesday’s Maariv, an Israeli daily newspaper, covers the indy candidates for Mayor of San Francisco, including Chicken John. Attached is a screenshot of the article from the e-version of the paper.


illustration by Sebastian Hyde

OK, so Chuck Sperry (famous art guy) is gonna do a run of 250 of this poster. Great timing, too. We’re almost out of money. We’ve spent a ton of cash on accountants, staff and legal stuff. And I’m sure there is more coming. But we also made thousands of buttons, flyers, posters and stickers. We paid thousands of dollars to artists for work (how novel, huh) and we learned how to run a campaign. We need another fundraising push, but just a little one. We have enough to pay the rest of the accountants and stuff, but need to kick in some money for 35,000 doorhangers (for election day) that are NO on H, YES on A and Quintin and Chicken for Mayor. That and a little surprise we have on Halloween.

If you haven’t guessed we are not likely going to get the matching funds. I wish I could give you a definitive no… but I can’t. It’s still in process. It’s like they are stalling. Or something. If we do get them, it will be the day before the election. Yes, you should be outraged. But I don’t know what else to say. We were robbed of $850,000. That I’m not spitting mad is either a testament to years of meditation or a good indicator that I’m nutty. I think we could have won, too…

I was reading in the Economist that the person who usually wins an election is the candidate who knows the most people. Yea. Well. That’d be me…

Secure the second place vote, get the funds and push a rush for #1… that was the plan. With the second place sewn up from the other candidates and with enough #1’s to trigger the run-off I’d win by a landslide. Even with only 30% of the first position votes.

But we’ll never know now. But there were a few days… when I’d lay my head down to sleep… when the last thing I would think about is all those potholes… calling to me…. “Fill me, chicken… fill me!!!!”

I did it for the potholes.


So buy a poster. Pretty please. There is only 12 days till the election… but what a glorious 12 days it can be…

from humble beginnings…. the cars that I sold to buy that bar… that I sold to buy the house… that is now the campaign headquarters…. humble beginnings indeed….

They keep asking me for content. Interviewing me. Want me to go to an endorsement meeting. What a joke. They wrote an article, and the online version (now gone) was titled Gavin and the 11 dwarves. I decided that that was enough. It’s a shame that the SF Comical is our newspaper. But I’m done talking to them.

They had this project they wanted me to contribute to. 10 ways to improve San Francisco. I wrote this instead. Lets see if they print it.

I’d like to offer something to the people of San Francisco in response to your request for me to weigh in on the issues. Your newspaper called me a dwarf on 10/27. Your newspaper has referred to me as a “colorful character,” “an outsider,” “wacky,” and “a joke”. The problem with San Francisco, and all the issues that you bring up, is quality. Not that we don’t have it, just that we don’t use it. We are surrounded by generous people, but they never get a chance to explore that generosity. There are innovations galore here. SF is a beacon to brilliant artists of every variety. But we are not taking advantage of these resources properly. We are settling for second best or third best or worse all the time. The SF Chronicle, for example. It’s a shitty newspaper. And I just can’t think of a reason for why that would be, except that you’re probably not paying your writers a living wage in this overpriced city. But whatever the reason, I’m just not interested in providing content for your paper that has been the architect of a single candidate election since the beginning.

You’ve asked me to weigh in on the issues, but let’s be honest. You don’t care what I think about homelessness. Your newspaper has become a tabloid. Journalism is replaced with some hero-worship fan-boy/girl crap for our rock-star mayor. The cult of celebrity complete, you now throw the other candidates a bone so it all looks fair. So it looks like it’s balanced journalism.

Here’s a story for you to cover. My campaign qualified for matching campaign funds from the city. I raised $XX,XXX dollars from XXX San Francisco residents in XX days. But the Ethics commission (all appointed by our handsome mayor Gavin Newsom) refuses to give my campaign the funds (until after the election, maybe). Is gross subversion of the democratic process not newsworthy enough for your paper?

Or perhaps you’re not into reporting serious news. So how about this story: 400 people dressed like zombies attacked the library after the mayoral “forum” that Gavin and I and the other candidates participated in. How does that elude the pages of your paper?

You want to report news? I have a truck that runs on coffee grinds. Zero emissions. How can that not find its way into your paper? News? How about the simple fact that most organizations are choosing to not endorse anyone for mayor?

With headlines like “Gavin and the 11 dwarves”, you gotta see it from my side when I tell you to take a flying leap rather than fill out your form to see where I’m aligned on the ‘issues’.

The issue is that this is a one candidate election. There is a powerful, well-calibrated machine in place to make sure no inconvenient facts get in the way of the candidate. You are part of that machine. You want to talk about the issues in SF? Go ahead. But it’s insulting to your readership to imply that this mock-dialog is going to achieve anything. With reporting like yours, we are powerless to do anything but watch this administration mandate the aesthetic of our city and the content of our culture. At the very least we can choose not to watch it through the template of the SF Chronicle, littered with typos, grammatical errors and tabloid spin that is embarrassing to a city of over-achieving intellectuals.

in disgust, chicken john


The cover of this months’ Bay Woof!

Photo by Lane Hartwell http://www.fetching.net , her first cover…

The text inside (the theme for the issue is Gratitude):

Dammit Dog and me have been together a long, long time. And some of those years were road years. Sure, I’m grateful. That’s only the beginning… she’s 17 1/2. Lost a toe. Crooked from vistibular disease. Broke a few limbs. Teeth ground down to the nubs. Lost her tail at some point. Kinda blind. Totally deaf. Sleeps with her tongue hanging out of her mouth… scares the shit out of me. All that and she still does her act like a pro. We were in the circus all those years ago. And if she hears anyone clapping even now, she’ll assume her show positions. It’s in her blood. Showdog. Not some sissy blow-dried 80’s Fiero dog. This is the dog that rides shotgun in a 1961 Ford pick-up that the door keeps falling off of. Dammit Dog is the single best thing that ever happened to me. It was an honor to be on the other end of her leash. And I think she’s got a few more years, even. I lost her leash eons ago. She worked hard. She doesn’t need a leash. But she can hardly hear me whistle anymore. But I’m not rushin’ her… she’ll hop in the truck when she’s ready. Grateful? That’s only the beginning…

photo by Deb Sherman

First of all, there is a really good pitch about the ‘debate’ last week on Fog City Journal. It’s an online mag that’s got squishy liberal all over it, but the Crackberry writer is a swell wordsmith and the photographer is second only to Lane. Even if he’s a Brit with no sense of humor. Great photos of the zombies and a chance to peek at Eric Jaye, Gavin’s Campaign Manager guy. Not that I’m implying that Eric Jaye is a zombie. You’re jumping to conclusions. Again.



The link for the Silver Crest Donut Shop didn’t work in my last email. Because I don’t actually know how to work a computer. Here it is:


We meet at 10:00 Sunday morning for a Wholesome Day’s activity. See http://chickenjohnbus.tribe.net/ there is an RSVP list there. Were at 32 now, 40 max.


Week 8 of the Public Financing Debacle. The last I heard from them today, a lease isn’t proof of address. Neither is a license that a donor got because he didn’t have proof of address. Because he got it AFTER the donation (like they asked him to), it’s not proof that he lived there WHEN HE MADE THE DONATION. I know that this stuff probably isn’t very interesting to you… but it’s really fascinating to me. It’s like being on another planet or in another culture. Right here in my own city. With baffled bewilderment I listen to the words slowly come out of the bureaucrats mouth, as they sentence me to another round of me driving around San Francisco knocking on donors doors asking them to sign another document or scan another piece of mail or a pay stub. All to prove that 250 who have $100 each support the City of Art and Innovation. So that a box can be checked on a form in a file in a drawer in a basement that no one will ever look at again. The process of qualifying for the program has been nothing short of Olympian. The simple fact is that the election is upon us, and they will not part with the money. We defiantly qualified. If there is comedy here, it is hiding behind a huge block of wasted time… but I continue to hunt… there has never been a candidate who has gotten to know his donors better than me. I’ve been to most of your houses. I know how much your electric bill is. I know where the last 3 places you lived. I’ve seen some of you in bathrobes, towels, evening gowns and I’ve met your husbands, your girlfriends and your kids. Although nothing like I thought it would be, the life lessons that I’m being afforded are unparalleled. The talent surrounding this is hysterical. The sheer lost opportunity of it all makes you wanna cackle like a hyena. In the end, it’s the possibility that “anything can happen”. That’s what theatre is all about. That’s why you go to a live show. You wanna be there for the magic of possibility graduating into a confluence of now. And that’s why improv is even better. Because without a script, the “anything can happen” part becomes a bonus multiplier.

Things are about to get interesting…

Thanks for watching…


Blog Stats

  • 38,061 visits