Letter to the SF Chronicle…
They keep asking me for content. Interviewing me. Want me to go to an endorsement meeting. What a joke. They wrote an article, and the online version (now gone) was titled Gavin and the 11 dwarves. I decided that that was enough. It’s a shame that the SF Comical is our newspaper. But I’m done talking to them.
They had this project they wanted me to contribute to. 10 ways to improve San Francisco. I wrote this instead. Lets see if they print it.
I’d like to offer something to the people of San Francisco in response to your request for me to weigh in on the issues. Your newspaper called me a dwarf on 10/27. Your newspaper has referred to me as a “colorful character,” “an outsider,” “wacky,” and “a joke”. The problem with San Francisco, and all the issues that you bring up, is quality. Not that we don’t have it, just that we don’t use it. We are surrounded by generous people, but they never get a chance to explore that generosity. There are innovations galore here. SF is a beacon to brilliant artists of every variety. But we are not taking advantage of these resources properly. We are settling for second best or third best or worse all the time. The SF Chronicle, for example. It’s a shitty newspaper. And I just can’t think of a reason for why that would be, except that you’re probably not paying your writers a living wage in this overpriced city. But whatever the reason, I’m just not interested in providing content for your paper that has been the architect of a single candidate election since the beginning.
You’ve asked me to weigh in on the issues, but let’s be honest. You don’t care what I think about homelessness. Your newspaper has become a tabloid. Journalism is replaced with some hero-worship fan-boy/girl crap for our rock-star mayor. The cult of celebrity complete, you now throw the other candidates a bone so it all looks fair. So it looks like it’s balanced journalism.
Here’s a story for you to cover. My campaign qualified for matching campaign funds from the city. I raised $XX,XXX dollars from XXX San Francisco residents in XX days. But the Ethics commission (all appointed by our handsome mayor Gavin Newsom) refuses to give my campaign the funds (until after the election, maybe). Is gross subversion of the democratic process not newsworthy enough for your paper?
Or perhaps you’re not into reporting serious news. So how about this story: 400 people dressed like zombies attacked the library after the mayoral “forum” that Gavin and I and the other candidates participated in. How does that elude the pages of your paper?
You want to report news? I have a truck that runs on coffee grinds. Zero emissions. How can that not find its way into your paper? News? How about the simple fact that most organizations are choosing to not endorse anyone for mayor?
With headlines like “Gavin and the 11 dwarves”, you gotta see it from my side when I tell you to take a flying leap rather than fill out your form to see where I’m aligned on the ‘issues’.
The issue is that this is a one candidate election. There is a powerful, well-calibrated machine in place to make sure no inconvenient facts get in the way of the candidate. You are part of that machine. You want to talk about the issues in SF? Go ahead. But it’s insulting to your readership to imply that this mock-dialog is going to achieve anything. With reporting like yours, we are powerless to do anything but watch this administration mandate the aesthetic of our city and the content of our culture. At the very least we can choose not to watch it through the template of the SF Chronicle, littered with typos, grammatical errors and tabloid spin that is embarrassing to a city of over-achieving intellectuals.
in disgust, chicken john
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