Call for Zombies TONIGHT!!!!!!!
URGENT ALERT: Thanks to Professor Grenzfineski’s recently installed EEW* system, we have detected a sudden upsurge in undead activity throughout the city. Another attack is IMMINENT.
But rather than passively wait in fear, we are striking back! With the Professor’s assistance, a zombie homing beacon has been hastily assembled and installed at the Main Library’s north-western corner on Larkin Street, by Fulton.
Location on Google Maps: http://tinyurl.com/2xoj6u
This device will be switched on Thursday the 11th, at PRECISELY 7:30pm. Once activated, the undead hordes will be unable to resist its pull, and will gather immediately at its base, where we will attempt to neutralize them before they can once again terrorize our fair city.
NOTE: Great care must be taken with this operation, as a San Francisco Mayoral debate will be taking place in the Main Library. If we are unable to contain the zombies, it is highly likely that they will turn their attention to the hundreds of citizens exiting the debate at 7:45, whom, though disenfranchised, are not disembrained, and may thus prove irresistible to the shambling cerebrophiles. (Thankfully, zombies DO NOT attack or otherwise harass innocent bystanders. Their moans and sheer numbers are more than horrifying enough.)
Once the zombies have successfully been contained, we will transport them via bus to a secret location, where they will be provided with complimentary “embalming fluid”. Further updates and general Zombie Mob guidelines can be found, as always, at:
For reference, the basic zombie mob rules are as follows:
1. Zombies will loose the sense of smell. In fact, the only thing they can sense is Duct tape. If you are wearing duct tape on your torso, the mob will attack you, ruin your clothes, eat your brains.
2. Zombies will not get blood on innocent bystanders or their things.
3. Zombies will leave private property reasonably soon after being asked.
4. Zombies who don’t exhibit these behaviors will be beaten into shape by their fellow horde.
And the basic schtick is:
Show up at the meeting point on time. Arrive dressed as either a zombie (fake blood, torn clothing, vacant stare) or a zombie victim (place a piece of duct tape somewhere visible upon your person, and wear clothes that you do not mind having torn and bloodied). Act like zombies. Attack and “convert” victims. Shamble where the mob shambles. Have fun, but be respectful of innocent bystanders and private property.
photo by Scott Beale
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