Toilet paper…


As I was wiping my ass this morning I had a revelation. I didn’t get music swelling or anything… but I did nibble on epiphany. I thought of how I did it. How I wipe my ass. And why. Now, I know *why* I wipe my ass… but *how* do I know to do it that way. There are likely a bunch of different ways. You can be a folder. A buncher. You can be a looker or a dropper. A dabber or a smearer. Girls are taught to go from the front to the back. On and on. But I’ve never seen anyone else wipe their ass. I know that each and every one of you do; but I’ve never seen it.

How do we know what we know?

How do we know, even, that we do, indeed, know what we know? Are you wiping your ass better than me? Do I do it differently then everyone else on my block? I mean, I’m likely doing it the way my mother taught me 38 years ago. But who taught her? Her mother? In the 30’s? Who learned in the 1860’s in Europe? We just jumped 150 years and across the Atlantic to before toilet paper in 3 jumps. Huh? Yup. Toilet paper is new. Started in the 1850’s. Fascinating subject. Wikipedia has some details, but there are piles of information about toilet paper out there, if you can’t sleep.

But I’m not running for the toilet. I’m running for Mayor.

try chicken!

Photo by Lane Hartwell

So I’m forever thinking about and examining what it is I’m doing. Why. How. What is the most effective message. And this morning, I was thinking about approved methods of running for mayor. Platforms. Issues. Propositions. Initiatives. All these things that people are talking about are all the things that people talk about at this time. 4 years ago I watched everyone I know become an expert in politics by spending 3 hours on SF Gate in mid November. Yes you did, don’t lie! I did it too… I just want to eliminate the whole politics as usual thing and embrace a more experimental format. The resistance to that is, of course, crushing. But how do we know how to run for public office? Really. Resistance to innovative thinking is the most deplorable thing I can think of. It would seem that running for Mayor is an act of subversion. Could be worse. I could be as boring as some of the other candidates… or I could be wasting your time by trying to win. It actually could be way more fun to do it this way. And likely is a better chance of winning, by refusing to do anything that would achieve that result. Chaos is like that.

We are doing great. We re-filed our matching funds document yesterday. It was a mess the first time. Paypal kinda changed it’s product and that was weird. But it’s all worked out. We actually were able to file more money this time… over $27,000. There was some stuff we didn’t get in last time because of last minute donors. So much work. Hopefully we’ll hear in the next few days that we got the match.

In the meantime, I’ll be doing endorsement meetings with the SF Bay Guardian today, and tonight with the Bayard Rustin LBGT Coalition. I am very interested in the whole Citizens for Halloween thing this Saturday at 1PM at the Eureka Valley Recreation Center in the Castro. I’ll be on KSFS this Saturday morning at 10:00 or so.

Every time you wipe your ass, think of voting for me for second place. It’s easy: Chicken John for #2!!!!


2 Responses to “Toilet paper…”

  1. 1 Christina Harbridge-Law

    Love him. Hate him. Ignore him. He is a brilliant writer. Chicken John #2.
    My son is potty training right now – we now have a new “learn to wipe your butt” mantra.

    Besos Padrino! Love, Sebastian

  2. 2 dmf

    Actually, i clean my ass with water.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: