Stick ’em up…


chicken and josh

Photo by Lane Hartwell See more photos here.

So last night, me and other Mayoral hopeful Josh Wolf held a debate at the Chez Poulet. Like 35 people came, a nice intimate crowd. It wasn’t really a debate, as me and Josh kinda don’t disagree on much. I really wanna debate someone who I disagree politically with… but my platform is so small I don’t know that anyone would argue with me. Which is kinda the point of having a smallish platform. At the end of the debate, I realized something: in the realm of shows and stage and all that stuff, I’ve done so many hundreds and hundreds of shows that I usually kinda know what to expect… how things are gonna flow, what a good place to starve the audience and when to feed. How to set up a false ending, how to push the drama to exact comedy… all the tricks. But last night I had no idea what to expect or how to navigate. For me that was really fun. And it went well, was really fun and (I hope) not too boring. These kinds of things are verbal, and even with a Krob doing eye-noise and his multi-thingy TM; it’s hard to get people to not be bored when all your doing is talking about politics, especially politics they agree with.

The Chronicle was there:

Here is a video

But there was something brought up last night which was interesting. A few people from the media came, and they all kinda want the same thing: they want my campaign strategy. The all ask me the same question: “Why are you “really” running for Mayor.” Like If I had a secret I’d tell them because we’re such good friends? Really? Ya wanna know why I’m REALLY running for Mayor? I thought about it long and hard. I hope I can answer that question below, after the pitch for money…

Money pitch:

If you would like to see me run for Mayor of SF 2007, you could do worse then give to my campaign fund. I have been unable to ask for money until now as I was having problems opening a bank account. But I have indeed opened one. If you would like to make a contribution, you may do so. I will explain how it works now:

Checks (preferable) made out to: Vote For Chicken

Mailed to 3359 Army Street, SF Ca 94110



I need to pay $4,300 by Friday 5:00. If I succeed in doing that, I’m an official candidate for Mayor of SF 2007. There is no other name person running for Mayor that has any better chance than me. Besides our incumbent.

Once I become an official candidate, hope to fundraise and recieve matching funds. If I can fundraise $25,000 by August 28th, I will receive $50,000 in matching funds from the matching funds fund. This system is new, I think, and I could be the first person to be granted this money in a Mayoral campaign. I think. The trick is that the $25K needs to be fundraised by SF residents (they don’t need to be registered to vote) and although the maximum donations is $500, the maximum donation to be counted towards the matching funds is $100. So that means that I need to get 250 SF residents to give me at least $100. One more time:

I need 250 SF resident to give me $100. By August 28th.

Then I’d get a check for $50K. I, of course, can only spend that money on things related to my campaign. I plan on being very Artistic and Innovative in that area. I think with that budget we could fund some interesting art, as an example of things that the city should get behind. I think we could make a gasifier and give it to the city. We could have some giant shows, with shadow puppets and parades that get rid of giant junk that is civic minded and all get tattoos of the City of Art and Innovation thing. We can do whatever we want with that money. If I raised $25K, and they matched $50, that’s $75K. To start. Then it’s more matching after that. To the tune of $850K. Which would give the Newsome camp a run for their money. Run Chicken run!

But to start, I need to get money by Friday to run. I have many people who pledged, so now is the time to rock. Please throw me some dough to run. I promise that you will not regret it. My intention is to make San Francisco’s artists have a voice. My agenda is (hopefully) inargueable. My vision clear. I can succeed in what I set out to acomplish. And it’s gonna be fun, interesting, fruitful and honest. Kick down, bitches!

To drive the point home, I’ve been writing some random things. I’ll include a few here. These are some ideas on why or how you should nudge some greenbacks my way:
If you had a friend that had to move away from SF because it was too expensive, send me $20 per friend.

If you are an artist and never considered that the Arts Commission of SF represents you, send me $10.

If you or someone you know lost a car to being towed and you owed too many parking tickets send me $25 per lost car.

If you or someone you know was involved in an art space that was shut down by the city send me $37.

If you would like to make a few busses run on gasified coffee grinds send me 10 bucks.

If you don’t like that bow and arrow bullshit on the embarkadero send me 10 cents. (that’ll be a few hundred thousand dollars.)

If you think that our mayor needs to be challenged on issues involving the arts, too many cars and being intolerant to inovation and new ideas send me $20.

If you feel like you are disenfranchised and unrepresented send me $40.

If you feel like the green campaign that the city is force feeding SF is actually greenwashing, send me $10.

If you want me to get matching funds, you yourself would send me at least $100 and get a few of your friends to do the same.

I’m running for Mayor of SF 2007 because it’s funny. Is that some giant secret? Is it quotable? Bumpersticker? Jesus. Of course it’s funny. In the same breath I’d like to say that I’m not kidding. If you know me you *know* I’d make a great Mayor. Undeniable. But I’m running for Mayor because it’s funny. All the things lead to more fun. More art. Interesting ways of creating power. Performance. Making fun of the system while still acknowledging that we are all part of the system. It’s just really easy to get all caught up and serious. But it’s been funny so far, and it’s about to get a lot more interesting. And don’t forget, I’ve got a secret weapon. Of course I can’t win. But all that means is that I only lose if I run to win. I can not run to win and then I’d win by losing. It’s all in how think about the thinking. I’d rather run to lose because I can’t win then run to win without a chance and lose. So losing is winning. And winning is losing. The loser wins. The winner wins, yeah. But I’d rather lose and win then lose and lose. I think.

Oh, I also need someone to write my name: JOHN RINALDI in Chinese charachters. Anyone here that can do that? I need it by Friday.

More soon…. chicken john

photo credit: Lane Hartwell


3 Responses to “Stick ’em up…”

  1. 1 Dear Gavin Newsom, Hi, My Name is Chicken John… | Laughing Squid
  2. 2 Dear Gavin Newsom, Hi My Name Is Chicken John… « Gavin Newsom
  3. 3 Chelsea Place « Bars By The Book

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